He can't bring himself to say it. Not when he'll hate himself for it— not when the shame's too overwhelming: he could never live it down.
( ....but all those nights he's lied awake and restless, wondering. Dreading. Fearing without end the thought that there's a poison in his skull he can't escape no matter how far he runs. Not the tadpole— not some alien curse hellbent on changing him to its whims— just. Him. Just Astarion. Just the truth he's shut away alongside memories lost to torture and pitiful whines for mercy that gave him none. Maybe maybe maybe.
Just Cazador's voice, always there. Telling him he's never really been free.)
One year is such a small flicker of a second.
He has to know if it's just him. If he's well and truly broken beyond repair.]
2/2
He can't bring himself to say it. Not when he'll hate himself for it— not when the shame's too overwhelming: he could never live it down.
( ....but all those nights he's lied awake and restless, wondering. Dreading. Fearing without end the thought that there's a poison in his skull he can't escape no matter how far he runs. Not the tadpole— not some alien curse hellbent on changing him to its whims— just. Him. Just Astarion. Just the truth he's shut away alongside memories lost to torture and pitiful whines for mercy that gave him none. Maybe maybe maybe.
Just Cazador's voice, always there. Telling him he's never really been free.)
One year is such a small flicker of a second.
He has to know if it's just him. If he's well and truly broken beyond repair.]
....Do you miss it?