[Soft. His gaze is fixed on Astarion now, watching the emotions play out over his face (for he is so much less adept at hiding them than he thinks— or perhaps it's just that Fenris has gotten to know him so well). The rage that swells up in him, and the subsequent tells: his eyes flashing as his cheeks go pale, tension coiled up so tight in him it's as if he wants to go after Hadriana now. Tear her apart with laws and hands both, the only determining factor what would hurt her more.
It's thrilling. Alluring. Seductive, almost, in its viciousness; belated revenge no substitute for comfort, but still, he shudders beneath it.]
But there were times I forgot myself, and did anyway. It was not always a one-sided fight.
[There's a distant look in his eyes as he first cups Astarion's cheek, then moves to tuck a curl behind one pointed ear.]
Nothing I truly wanted to do, but still . . . I could blame my markings and faulty coding for the times when I snarled at her, or left her things behind when our master took us abroad. I humiliated her more than once in front of our master more than once, setting her up to fail— one of the worst things she could do in front of him, for he valued her first and foremost as a tool. Watching her simper pathetically for weeks on end to attempt to make up for it was not satisfying, not when I wished to stain my knuckles with her blood, but at least better than her smug.
[And it's nothing. Petty things, little things, things that didn't once make up for all the horror and grief, but at least made life a little less unbearable.
A moment's pause, and then:]
It's money and power that makes Violet so dangerous. Hadriana was leashed by Danarius just as much as I was, though she pretended otherwise. But Violet . . . if I were to attack her, enacting revenge when she inevitably tries something again . . . I have no doubt you would support me. [Little magistrate. Little love, who wants so badly to protect him.] But it still would be a foolish idea.
[And that's part of the bitterness and rage, too. The fact that he is just as chained as he was back then, free and yet not.]
Still: you thrilled me, drawing blood as you did. And I am proud of how swiftly you acted.
I never thought to expect such things from anyone, much less someone of your class. It is . . .
[He hesitates.]
You are more comforting than I can say. I have never had anyone I could rely upon without thinking like that, much less someone who would draw blood for me.
no subject
[Soft. His gaze is fixed on Astarion now, watching the emotions play out over his face (for he is so much less adept at hiding them than he thinks— or perhaps it's just that Fenris has gotten to know him so well). The rage that swells up in him, and the subsequent tells: his eyes flashing as his cheeks go pale, tension coiled up so tight in him it's as if he wants to go after Hadriana now. Tear her apart with laws and hands both, the only determining factor what would hurt her more.
It's thrilling. Alluring. Seductive, almost, in its viciousness; belated revenge no substitute for comfort, but still, he shudders beneath it.]
But there were times I forgot myself, and did anyway. It was not always a one-sided fight.
[There's a distant look in his eyes as he first cups Astarion's cheek, then moves to tuck a curl behind one pointed ear.]
Nothing I truly wanted to do, but still . . . I could blame my markings and faulty coding for the times when I snarled at her, or left her things behind when our master took us abroad. I humiliated her more than once in front of our master more than once, setting her up to fail— one of the worst things she could do in front of him, for he valued her first and foremost as a tool. Watching her simper pathetically for weeks on end to attempt to make up for it was not satisfying, not when I wished to stain my knuckles with her blood, but at least better than her smug.
[And it's nothing. Petty things, little things, things that didn't once make up for all the horror and grief, but at least made life a little less unbearable.
A moment's pause, and then:]
It's money and power that makes Violet so dangerous. Hadriana was leashed by Danarius just as much as I was, though she pretended otherwise. But Violet . . . if I were to attack her, enacting revenge when she inevitably tries something again . . . I have no doubt you would support me. [Little magistrate. Little love, who wants so badly to protect him.] But it still would be a foolish idea.
[And that's part of the bitterness and rage, too. The fact that he is just as chained as he was back then, free and yet not.]
Still: you thrilled me, drawing blood as you did. And I am proud of how swiftly you acted.
I never thought to expect such things from anyone, much less someone of your class. It is . . .
[He hesitates.]
You are more comforting than I can say. I have never had anyone I could rely upon without thinking like that, much less someone who would draw blood for me.