[There's a significant pause. A hesitation, as Leto stares down at his notebook by the light of the fire and tries not to say something stupid. Distantly he appreciates that offer for what it is: a risk, and a generous one. By all rights Astarion ought not to use such a connection for Leto's sake; certainly he oughtn't to bother even a Tevene merchant, if he's so sadistic; such a creature can only ever be dangerous, and used only when necessary. And yet Leto will not offend Astarion by refusing it.
But ah . . . his eyes linger on that bit about Varania.]
I know.
[He knows. And he wishes it wasn't true. And he knows it does not matter what he wishes, not really. It doesn't matter if there is some small part of him (the bit, truly, that is Leto, sixteen and brash and brave; Leto who held a small hand in his own and guided her through Minrathous' busy markets, who furiously hushed his sister the first time she showed him how she could mend a blister on his palm, who used to play giddily with her while their mother scrubbed at marble floors) that wants things to be right. Varania made her choice long ago, and an aching heart won't change a damn thing.]
But she is my sister. And that is not a good reason to keep her alive, but still, it is why I spared her life in the first place.
If she is responsible for my memory loss, so be it. I will treat her as I would any other guilty party.
But I made my choice long ago, in the Hanged Man when I killed Danarius. I will not renege on it now.
You need not tell me how foolish I am being by saying so. I am well aware.
no subject
But ah . . . his eyes linger on that bit about Varania.]
I know.
[He knows. And he wishes it wasn't true. And he knows it does not matter what he wishes, not really. It doesn't matter if there is some small part of him (the bit, truly, that is Leto, sixteen and brash and brave; Leto who held a small hand in his own and guided her through Minrathous' busy markets, who furiously hushed his sister the first time she showed him how she could mend a blister on his palm, who used to play giddily with her while their mother scrubbed at marble floors) that wants things to be right. Varania made her choice long ago, and an aching heart won't change a damn thing.]
But she is my sister. And that is not a good reason to keep her alive, but still, it is why I spared her life in the first place.
If she is responsible for my memory loss, so be it. I will treat her as I would any other guilty party.
But I made my choice long ago, in the Hanged Man when I killed Danarius. I will not renege on it now.
You need not tell me how foolish I am being by saying so. I am well aware.