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[doggish]

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[illithidnapped]

Pick one: vampirism, or demonic possession.

*Any demon of your choice.

[doggish]

i will explain my reasoning in a moment, but a question for you first: do you truly expect me to pick anything other than vampirism, regardless of the demon in question?

[illithidnapped]

[Err....] Yes?

Assuming perhaps you'd be less opposed to something with impressive tits rather than a gigantic violet co

[On second thought.]

Did it actually have a cock? I've never seen one up close out in the wilds.

A pride demon, that is. Not a cock. Just to be clear.

[doggish]

I never

[Be honest, now.]

Yes. They retract. I have not seen it personally, before you ask. But spirits of pride were often the ones who came when Danarius called.

[Anyway:]

It's a demon. I don't care if it has pierced tits or a massive cock or both, I am not allowing a demon to possess me. I saw what a spirit of so-called Justice did to Anders, and I do not desire obsessive madness at the behest of lust or pride or vengeance or anything else.

I am, however, going to let one particular vampire bite me and learn to embrace vampirism once i am at the end of my life. It isn't much of a contest.

Would you pick the demon?

[illithidnapped]

They

oh.

[Well now that explains a lot about a lot, doesn't it? Not to mention opens up a world of many, many more questions— but those can wait for now.]

Hm. Personally? I'm undecided.

Do all demons have the unfortunate side effect of turning their hosts into a grotesquely melted mess of flesh and oozing blood? Or are there a few exceptions to the rule.

[doggish]

I have only ever heard of one exception.

And you would have to suffer having your personality warped. Anders was apparently once hedonistic, at least to hear he and Isabela talk. By the time I knew him, he could do nothing but whi bring up the topic of mage injustices they faced, all the indignities they suffered.

[doggish]

Then again, if you were possessed by a spirit of lust, I suppose not much would change.

[xoxo]

3/3

[doggish]

Or vanity.

[XOXOXOXO]

[illithidnapped]

[Hah!]

It isn't vanity if it's true you know. Though lust is tempting enough- I could spirit you away in the dead of night. Keep you captive. Force you to endure endless carnal pleasures just to satisfy my eternal hunger

2/3

[illithidnapped]

oh, no, actually you're right. Nothing would change.

3/3

[illithidnapped]

Anyway I'd say it depends on the sole condition I could choose my vampiric master. Because if not, I'd take those gilded demonic tits without a second thought.

[doggish]

It's vanity if you preen and twirl each time you bring home new stockings. I am not teasing your attractiveness, but your own awareness of it.

[His utterly inane point made, he considers that answer. It is a good one, even if some part of him recoils to think of Astarion possessed, hypothetical or not. But hmm . . . if this is to be a game, let it be a game, and Astarion's answer is far too easily given to let it linger.

And gods, he wouldn't play this game with anyone else— but then again, when has Astarion ever been anything save exception to all the rules?]

You may choose your vampiric master, but he— or she— cannot be wholly pleasant. How hellish a master are you willing to tolerate?

[Time to play every slave's favorite game: just how much could you take?]

[illithidnapped]

[Tch.] Is a peacock vain for preening? Or is it simply behaving as it must when such beauty is its curse.

I suppose we'll never know.

[Deep questions with your beloved husband.]

But what an excellent set of conditions. Permit me then to add my own: neither of us can serve as master to the other in this scenario— temporarily or otherwise.

[And for the record: hellish? Very funny, Leto.]

Now then.

Vampiric enslavement is eternal, as you well know. Possession? Unlikely to be, if we're speaking solely of its Thedosian strains. High chance of turning gruesomely nightmarish, though, while of course vampirism only serves to add more beauty to the equation. Yet on the other other hand, possession allows for food and drink and pleasure without crippling weakness as a counter.

Immortality could prove benefit or curse depending on the above constraints, so I won't pin that against vampirism outright, and either way we'd be in no control of our own bodies or minds, so fretting about free will is utterly pointless.

[Hmmm. Mmmm.


....eugh.]

You know I'm beggining to suspect I just don't want to agree to my own folly twice, even if it proves the objectively better deal.

Besides, at least with a demon granting my every wish I could have some fun. Bring about the downfall of the Chantry, take Tevinter for the elves, rule from an iron throne.

2/2

[illithidnapped]

Fine, yes, possession. Final answer. And my first wish is that I remain forever beautiful— hah.

[Take that, cursed magics.]

[doggish]

Lucky, then, that my choice is vampirism. I'll have more than enough time to save you from your demonic folly, beautiful thing that you are. If there is one thing Tevinter was good for, it was dealing with demons— and I cannot imagine some noble family hasn't come up with a method of exorcism. They wouldn't risk their precious heirs in the Harrowing if they didn't.

[And again: this is all hypothetical, but still. Maybe Leto outlines that plan for his own sake, just in case anything like this were to ever occur.]

Though at least your answer is well thought out. And I can respect not wishing to make the same choice twice.

Would you rather marry the richest duke in the city, and be cared for all your days, or your wandering drow hero, who leaps in to dashingly carry you away? Drizzle . . . you know who I mean.

[illithidnapped]

[Aren't you sweet, darling? He's charmed to know his gallant-yet-monstrously-befanged vampiric mate will come rushing in to free him— hypothetically.]

As can I. We'll make an enviable team, I think, between my pactborne prowess and your unmatch [Astarion starts to pen in response to that secondary point before being distracted by:]

Drizzle?

It's Drizzt, my love. D r i z z T.

[doggish]

It sounds the same either way.

My unmatched what? Don't get distracted.

[:)]

[illithidnapped]

don't get

the same either

DISTRACTED??

You were the one who changed the subject in the first place and no. it. does. NOT. sound the same. Not unless you've somehow gone deaf before even reaching your full years from spending all your time around those



howler monkeys you call friends

[doggish]

So insulting. As if you weren't constantly straining your ears to hear what they were gossiping about.

And you still haven't answered my question. Distracted by a matter of L and T's, which sound similar enough across most languages and accents. [That's absolutely not true at all.] The first two syllable match— and you knew who I meant.

[A pause, and then, thoughtfully:]

Perhaps that's his full first name.

[illithidnapped]

[The world's longest pause goes here, represented by a minor gap.]





I know what you're doing.

[doggish]

Am I doing something?

[illithidnapped]

Oh no no no. Don't you dare play innocent with me.

You're too much trouble to pull it off. [And no, he won't be considering the implications of that in reverse for all the times he himself has lounged about with a coy rumble in his throat and a smile on his lips after starting a fight.]

Anyway to answer your posited question: neither.

[doggish]

I don't know what you're talking about. We're discussing your beloved drow, are we not?

2/2

[doggish]

(And you cannot pick neither, that's the entire point of a hypothetical.)

[illithidnapped]

Well it has to be neither because even in a hypothetical, I'm already hypothetically taken.